


After This

by AlienBro



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Infinity War Spoilers!!!!!, M/M, Pining, Steve just wants to be happy, be warned: this is really sad, i rode the pain wave from infinity war and wrote this late at night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlienBro/pseuds/AlienBro
Summary: Steve reflects on waiting, and the phrase “after this.”Infinity War Spoilers!





	After This

**Author's Note:**

> Warning (if you somehow made it this far) for infinity war spoilers.
> 
> This is real sad my dudes. I wanted to pour my sadness into a fic and fill the gaping hole in my soul infinity war left there. All mistakes are my own.

Steve’s life had somehow become the constant repetition of the words “after this”.

When he’d been young and naïve, he’d always thought that problems should be faced head on. He thought he’d never run from anything or anyone. That was until he discovered he was in love with another man. His best friend, to be exact. Then, suddenly, he was capable of running away as fast as he could. 

But, Steve Rogers was not a coward. He swore, that after this, after he got off that train, he’d confess. He would tell Bucky how he felt, and if he never wanted to speak to him again, then Steve wouldn’t. He could do this. 

His first thought when he was finally able to breath again was I should have known better. 

But he’d gone on. He’d fought for what he believed in, he’d fought to save the world. He’d died to save the world, or at least he’d though he had. He’d fought again, and again. He’d discovered that there was a name for what he had felt. He learned that he no longer had to hide his feelings, and he promised he never would. 

But when the mask was torn away from his would be assassin and the face staring at him belonged to Bucky, he ran away again. And again. And then he swore: after this, after he saved him, he’d tell Bucky how he felt. 

Too bad it didn’t work that way.

And then Steve found himself caught up in another battle, another world threatening disaster. And still, through all, there was the lingering flame of love at the back of his mind.

And then, everything went wrong. Steve lost everything, and nothing. He lost his friends, the avengers, but he had Bucky. And when Steve stood in the airport facing his friends, he glanced over to Bucky and swore: after this. 

But he didn’t. Steve Rogers, Captain America, hero with a capital “H”, ran away from his feelings. Again.

And once again, with Bucky in his arms, though their reunion was soured somewhat by the looming threat of Thanos destroying them, Steve swore that after this, he would confess. He’d spill his heart out and tell Bucky everything that he’d kept bottled up and hidden all this time. 

“Steve?”

After this, Steve knelt on the ground, his hand resting on the spot where Bucky has stood. He grasped at the dirt beneath him, breath hitching and tears burning his cheeks, his hands shaking. 

He stared down at the ground, at the dust, the grass and the end of everything that Steve fought for. He whispered his confession to the dust that used to be James Buchanan Barnes. 

“I loved you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first shot at something that isn’t Star Trek, so yeah. I’m still suffering from infinity war. Forgive me for any mistakes in canon because I can’t remember anything that happened between Avengers 1 and CACW. Leave a comment and brighten my day!


End file.
